Physically sickened from unexpected causes...

4th of July, a day to celebrate, a day to remember, a day to light and/or watch fireworks, a day to spend with family, a day to get out and see the city, a day to enjoy enjoy our American freedom...yet for some reason on this day of all days I never felt so imprisoned. A couple years ago I wrote a thesis about consumerism in America, how it's a disease on our society and is perhaps at its worst during our Patriotic holidays (ie Independence Day, Memorial Day, etc...) Katie needed some new jeans, and although I warned her repeatedly for the past few months about her deteriorating fibers that were holding her (recently trashed) jeans together, she still refused to give in and get a new pair. Well, today she found a huge hole and therefore I was thrown into a state of purchasing seemingly non-emergency goods on a day that should have had more meaning than just a day to get a great deal on a pair of Levi's. As we walked around the Levi's store on Post St., I noticed that the majority of customers there were not American at all, but were mostly European. Ahhh, Levi Strauss, making jean deprived Europeans envious since the 1840's. But my state of high anxiety and near physical sickness came later in the day after watching War of the Worlds (excellent pic btw). We couldn't decide on what to have for lunch, so we just decided to run over to Whole Foods to find something supposedly healthy and light to make ourselves. I could not believe how many people were rushing around this narrow aisled health food store trying to get their holiday grub. I don't have a history of claustrophobia, but suddenly after grabbing a 4 pack of Virgil's Root Beer (which we would find very unsatisfying) I found myself sweating and breathing short breaths of anxiety. I worded to Katie "I think it's time for me to leave." So we bought our food, left the store and I vowed to never come back to Whole Foods under these nationally desperate situations ever again. With all the anxiety and hypocrisy behind me, I felt it necessary to just stay home the rest of the night and to try to find my comfort zone again. The fireworks weren't starting until 9:30, so we watched Monk with a new level of identification with his character, until it was time. We went upstairs to the roof, which has a terrific view of Aquatic Park, and after seeing the Marin County Fair fireworks go off the Fisherman's Wharf ones started up and it was a great spectacle to behold. Lasting well over 10 minutes, I could look around and see other people shouting and cheering from their rooftops enjoying their spirit of freedom and perhaps thankfulness for all those who have sacrificed and those who continue to sacrifice themselves so we don't have to. My lesson is learned, my behavior to be realized in future years has been more directed towards what's healthier for me and I have a better sense of things that are more important. I just need to know what's next